Setting limits and expectations for children is a very important part of parenting and it should happen at the early age only. By setting limits for your child you can help him in building his life skills, which include patience, problem solving, responsibility and self-discipline.
As nobody like the boundaries so, your child is not going to say thank you for setting limits for him rather he will opposite but he will start feeling safe and secure because of the limits set, and surprisingly he will actually starts liking the limits set by you. Once your child started following the rules set by you; you as a parent will also feel more secure, because when you know your child is used to hearing and following guidelines set by you, you will also feel more comfortable as far as his safety is concerned.
Setting limits for children is challenging for many parents, as they don’t know when and how to set the rules. Many parents start saying “no” to their children at very early age (as soon as he started rolling or walking) and develop a habit of saying know the word “no” as a restriction for the next 20-22 years. Some parents sets the rules vey responsibly they make the child understand the purpose of setting the guidelines and limits and make them comfortable to follow them. These parents make-up their rules as their children grow through different stages of developmental.
It’s important to be able to set limits and enforce consequences when limits aren’t followed. Fortunately, for young children, consequences can be simple. One technique is to give a child a “time-in” where he or she sits quietly in a chair in the same room with you for as many minutes as the child’s age—so, for example, a three-year-old would sit for just three minutes. Setting a timer to keep track of the time will work well as it helps the child connect the consequence to another cue besides the parent.
You should be very careful while setting up rules or limits for you child as you yourself also have to follow them, as you cannot expect from your child to do anything what you don’t like to do. Here are some suggestions to which you may find useful while setting up rule and guidelines for your child:
- Be polite and firm while implementing the rules. It is quite natural that your child will challenge the rules and sometimes may forget, especially when they have more than one set of rules to remember at one time. Gently remind them and tell them the advantage of following the rules and support him by saying, no worries, let’s start it over.
- Try to keep it as simple as possible as too many rules at one time can confuse your child and other family members, and you won’t be able to enforce them. It is always advisable to involve your child to participate in setting up the rules; it will increase his commitment to follow them.
- Be clear and positive – explain the rule very clearly and frame it positively. Always use positive language to encourage him, like “yes! I know you can do It.” Avoid negative language like “I know you can’t do it”, it will discourage and give him a feeling of disrespect.
- Be logical – there must be some logic behind every rule set. Your child can have many questions (like – why can’t I go out in rain, why can’t I watch my favourite cartoon for long, why can’t I play with my friends whole day, etc.) regarding the rules set by you; you must have logical answers for his questions.
- Be flexible whenever required and adjust rules, as circumstances demand as well as you should not be very rigid all the times. You should give him some liberty during the vacations or on weekends. But in that case you should give him a clear message that you are not changing the rules rather you are giving special relaxation for the time being.
- Appreciation of your child when he is following the system laid by you will encourage him to follow the system every time. Don’t try to point out his mistakes always rather use more positive words for every good act of his and try to make him understand the implication of not following the rules.
Rules teach children self-discipline and help them learn how to make right choices. It’s not so easy to ask children to be in system as no one like rules initially but it’s not so difficult too if you are able to communicate the advantages and how it is going to help them in their life. It’s very important to teach child what they need to do to succeed in the life and achieve their desired goals.
Remember: Your job is to set the limit and not to control how your child feels about it or reacts to it.
